What you don't see...

So tonight I was going to blog about the filming of batman on wall street but something came up so we will keep that for another night and tonight will be on friendship and  life in NYC. For people who truly know me and my "life story" know that I have been through hell and back with so called "friends" and with girls, but it's the things that they have done to me that has given me the strength to do what I am doing now. I would say all my life I had a small group of friends because to me it was the quality of the friendship rather then then numbers of friends...When I moved to NYC I knew it was going to be very hard to keep in touch with everyone but I didn't know that it would be this hard....This might came out wrong but its my blog so I can say it... People have to realize that even though it looks like my life is so perfect living NYC pursuing  modeling, getting to live a dream.. It's extremely hard, lonely, and at times very depressing. Yes, I am truly blessed and very thankful but its one of the hardest things I have ever done. Everyone sees all the good things but never the bad things.  Can you image moving to a big city all by yourself at the age of 19? Knowing NO ONE... and having people came into your life, growing close then moving away? Having no family, and no one that is super close to you?? I cry myself to sleep some nights but then I think I want to do this for myself because its a dream and I want to fulfill it. Being here alone, it only takes a little to make me happy and feel loved. I am finally finding out who my real friends are. First of all, a friendship takes two people....Even though I am the one who moved away doesn't mean that I am the only one who needs to be in communication with you. Both ways! My true friends Know how I feel and we will send sweet text whenever we can. Yes, its very hard because we are all extremely busy but one sweet text can make someones day. And confirmation on how someone feels is always a good thing too.There are a few people in my life that have given me so much strength and encouragement I have no idea what I would do without them! Its those people that I thank God for. Tonight, I have figured out that some people just don't need to be in my life anymore because they were just hurting me in the long run. I have lost enough people to know how important it is to tell people how you feel. Maybe I do need to be a little more aggressive with that. Im sorry if this is all over the place, I will say writing this I was hurt, and sad!