Im sitting in my apartment on this beautiful thursday morning and I finally realized that I missed blogging and that I have not done it in a while. Im not sure where to start, so this might jump from one thing to the next but I feel like I have a lot to say! The week of caleb's anniversary was the hardest week since I have been in NYC. On that sunday at church, I just broke down. It was a worship night and it just touched my heart. Its like I could feel caleb or something.. It was so comforting. I left church with so much Joy in my heart. I will say this past week has been one of the best weeks since I have been here. The joy has not left my heart, and I have been so happy! Last week, the only ones home were me, shannon, and megan. Lynsee and Amanda went home for a week! So the house was so much fun and no drama. We all got along and just put any drama behind us. On wednesday, I had a redken booking. They just styled my hair in up does then I took photos! These pictures will be used for examples of up does in hair saloons. That was a lot of fun! I got paid for it, but I also got tons of hair products: shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, curling stuff, and shining pray! When I finished with that, I got to meet up with some texas girls! Katherine, Jena, Allie, Hailey, Kiana, and jacey! We just walked around time square then got cute and went to dinner! It was good to have some familiar faces here. That saturday I worked a promotional job for express. Express wanted to break the world record for the longest cat walk! The record at like 534 set in Paris. We broke it by 1254 or something! It was a blast to know that I made that happen! The best part of all about this was we were scheduled to work 7:45-6. But we broke the record at 2 o'clock... and we ran out of shirts and all the give a ways so we completely stopped the show at 2:30! But since we rocked, we still got paid till 6! It was icing on the cake! When I got home from work, I rested for the rest of the day! It felt good to just lay around and be lazy! Sunday, was cleaning day! All the girls got together and picked up the apartment, did laundry, and cleaned! This place has never felt so clean since I moved in. After spending all day cleaning, I started to get ready for church! Since claire was still out of town I went to church by myself again. It was another great service! God is truly speaking to me. This service was about not giving up on your dreams and what you want because we do not know what God is doing behind the scenes! It spoke to me so clearly. So that was last week! I have been so happy!!!
God has you in His arms but I have you in my heart
Two years ago I was woken up by my sister and my mom with the news that Caleb had died in a tragic car accident early this morning. It took me a long time to actually believe it, but once it hit that it was true. I was in shock. I can remember everything in that moment very clearly. It honestly, stills feels like it was just yesterday. His death was the hardest thing that I have had to face in life. This was someone that I loved so much and he had so much going for him. Through out this my emotions have gone from 1-100. At first, I was full of anger because I didn't understand why God would take away someone that was so young and was not able to live his life fully, then it went to heart broken because I lost my best friend, But now I can honestly say, I am jealous! Caleb is in HEAVEN! A place our hearts long for, dream of, and one day I hope to go. Having to live here on this earth that is filled with judgment, without him, Is the bad part. I never imaged that day would come but I also never imaged sitting in NYC, in a model apartment, all alone, on his two years anniversary. This day is hard enough but to not have anyone to bring you comfort is even harder. I have never wanted a hug this bad.. All I have to cuddle is my T.Y that my grandpa bought me when I was very little. I do not think I have ever felt so alone in my life. But I am trying to stay positive because I know he is looking down on me with Joy in his heart for going after something I have dreamed about. "My God is a compassionate God who wants comfort, healing, peace, joy and life into broken hearts." Is something someone has taught me and what I pray for. I know with everything you are always going to have your bad days, good days, and excellent days but I need to remember that God never wants to see someone hurting because he will hurt with them. Its just that I want to be selfish and have Caleb on this earth with me......To caleb, There is nothing I could do, nothing I could say to make you see what you mean to me. All the pain and tears I have cried. I will never let you go. I know all my life you will be with me forever because you are watching over me everyday. That brings a sense of security to me, to know, your like my guardian angel. That brings me comfort sitting in my apartment tonight because I am not alone... Your with me and God is with me. I just wish I could physically see you. You give me the strength to carry on. Please promise me that your saving me a seat right next to you! I love you.
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
A couple of weeks before the 4th of July, I was getting very depressed to know that I would spend the 4th of July here in NYC all by myself. Not on the lake with all my friends. It was in the back of my mind to even save money to fly home for the holiday but obviously I didn't have enough money to fly home. Then Megan came into my life and I knew someone would spend the holiday with me! I got an invite to attend this VIP party with Michael William Paul. But I didn't want to attend it without megan, So I texted Sara, who is Michael's assistant, and asked if she could come. Her first response was, No its a closed VIP party, but then after I told her that I wouldn't go without her, She called michael and he said of course victoria can bring a friend :) I am so excited that I had plans and I was able to bring my friend! We had no idea what to expect from this party. But we had eachother and thats all that mattered! We had to be there exactly at 7:00, so we left our place around 6:15 so we wouldn't be late! Getting ready was so much fun. We had music playing, dancing around, and just being us! It made me feel like I was at home with my best friends...When we first arrived we met at MWP studio then we went up to the rooftop all together.When we got to the rooftop there were only a few people there, because it was the closed pre-party and some famous people were there. I am not allowed to name names but lets just say after about 30 minutes they had to call cops to escort them out because there were people waiting down stairs for them. I felt so special to know that I got invited to a party with really known people! The food was so yummy..It was a BBQ! After socializing and meeting people in the industry it was time for the firework show! We had an amazing view.. I will be honest, I was kinda disappointed in the show but at least I saw fireworks! After a fun night of dancing, eating, meeting so many people. and having fun! I am very pleased with how my holiday went :) But I did miss Austin!
Last night was not a good night! I fell asleep around 12... then at 3:00 I got a call from the front desk saying my roommates were sitting in the hall way locked out, So I woke up and let them in. Two hours later, my other roommate woke up to talk to me about some important things around 5! Which I am a stubborn sleeper and its very hard for me to fall back asleep if I am already up! Finally,I fell asleep! My alarm went off at 8:00 and it seriously felt like I just went to asleep! I had to get up, shower, and get ready for my photo shoot! Megan, my new roommate came with me! The shoot was in brooklyn so we had to give ourselves enough travel time! We ended up getting there 30 minutes early. Which was fine and made us look good but we just had to wait! The photographer was so cute and his wife was his assistant. They were so in love <3... The make up artist got there and started working on us! She showed us her book, I was so amazed! Her work was so beautiful, I felt so honored to have her to my make-up. We started out doing very clean beauty shots then built up to crazy make-up! This shoot had to be one of my favorites. It was just so much fun! Me and megan were just being so goofy on set! We headed back to the city and we went our separate ways. She went with her family and i'm back into the apartment! She is officially moving in tomorrow and I cant be anymore excited. When I came home, I showered and just relaxed! Now I am blogging and about to watch a movie! More good news: At first I didn't think that I was going to have plans for the 4th of july but my manger, I guess you could say, invited me to a VIP party and he said that I could bring Megan!!!!! So we get to get cute and meet so many people in the industry! Eat food, watch fireworks, and have fun! Today has been one of the best days in a while. I hope everyone has a good night :) XOXOXOXOX
Last week, While walking to a casting, I saw something being filmed but I continued on to my casting and didn't think twice about it. On my way back home, they were still filming so I decided to stop and look! They were filming the tv show "White Collar" I have no idea about the show but I was so interested in watching them film it that I decided to stay and watch. The security was so tight.. they only let us stand in certain areas to watch. They were telling people to move and not stand in certain areas, but me being the risky girl I am, I decided to stay. Then, this one sweet security guy saw what I did and he came over to me and asked why I did what I did, then he let me meet the main actor of the show, Matt Bomber, After socializing with him, they invited me behind the scenes of the filming! I got to actually sit in the chair and watch the TV screens as they were filming right beside my apartment! It was so awesome.
Its Saturday Morning and I am going to take time to blog about things that I want to share! I first want to apologize for not blogging like I use to. I just have been so busy and when I get free time, I don't think to write. I am sorry. There is so much that I don't even know where to start!!! Living in NYC by yourself really brings out all this courage that you never thought you had. You cant rely on anyone except for yourself and God. You can not trust anyone here. Being here has made me become so much more independent then I thought I ever would be at the age of 19. I still have three other roommates, Lynsee, Amanda, and Shannon. Lynsee is always working and amanda and shannon are like "best friends" They do everything together and whisper all the time. Its very awkward in the house because they are always together and make me feel left out. I feel like I am still in Highschool with them.. But I am to Model and work, not to make friends. Today we have a new girl coming! Her name is megan. I don't know anything about her, I just hope she isn't like the other girls. Because I shouldn't feel uncomfortable in my own house. I was so happy because my best friend Lauren Reeder, came to visit me for a day and a half! She arrived tuesday evening and left thursday morning! It felt so good to have someone, here, that actually cared for me. We walked ALL OVER NYC! Since Lauren knew more about NYC, she was the one taking me around! She showed me so much that I never seen. Sadly, she left thursday early morning and it was so hard to say Goodbye... I have not seen lauren since last year... it brought tears to my eyes. Now that she is gone, and I am alone in the apartment its very tough. I am trying to make it work, but its hard. I am very lonely and miss having people around me that believe in me and want the best for me. Yesterday was friday, a beautiful day! So I decided to pay $20 to go on a boat called the shark, its a speed boat that takes you around the hudson river! It was so much fun.. it felt like I was on lake travis.. well sorta! After the boat ride was over, I asked the captain if there was a pass to stay on the boat all day! He invited me to stay on the boat with no cost!!! It was the perfect thing... I felt so at home! They even fed me lunch :) My first ride was at 12:00, so from 12:00 to 8:00 I was on the boat! It pays to be cute and friendly! The captain even told me that I could come back anytime I wanted and I would have a free ride! So onto a different subject! I met the new roommate, her name is megan! I am so happy... God has answered my prayers! She is so sweet and we instantly clicked. She is very down to earth and a christian.. I can tell that we will get along very well!!! Her family took me to lunch today and they remind me so much of my family. God just keeps answering my prayers!!