Tuesday, November 8, 2011
So tonight I was going to blog about the filming of batman on wall street but something came up so we will keep that for another night and tonight will be on friendship and life in NYC. For people who truly know me and my "life story" know that I have been through hell and back with so called "friends" and with girls, but it's the things that they have done to me that has given me the strength to do what I am doing now. I would say all my life I had a small group of friends because to me it was the quality of the friendship rather then then numbers of friends...When I moved to NYC I knew it was going to be very hard to keep in touch with everyone but I didn't know that it would be this hard....This might came out wrong but its my blog so I can say it... People have to realize that even though it looks like my life is so perfect living NYC pursuing modeling, getting to live a dream.. It's extremely hard, lonely, and at times very depressing. Yes, I am truly blessed and very thankful but its one of the hardest things I have ever done. Everyone sees all the good things but never the bad things. Can you image moving to a big city all by yourself at the age of 19? Knowing NO ONE... and having people came into your life, growing close then moving away? Having no family, and no one that is super close to you?? I cry myself to sleep some nights but then I think I want to do this for myself because its a dream and I want to fulfill it. Being here alone, it only takes a little to make me happy and feel loved. I am finally finding out who my real friends are. First of all, a friendship takes two people....Even though I am the one who moved away doesn't mean that I am the only one who needs to be in communication with you. Both ways! My true friends Know how I feel and we will send sweet text whenever we can. Yes, its very hard because we are all extremely busy but one sweet text can make someones day. And confirmation on how someone feels is always a good thing too.There are a few people in my life that have given me so much strength and encouragement I have no idea what I would do without them! Its those people that I thank God for. Tonight, I have figured out that some people just don't need to be in my life anymore because they were just hurting me in the long run. I have lost enough people to know how important it is to tell people how you feel. Maybe I do need to be a little more aggressive with that. Im sorry if this is all over the place, I will say writing this I was hurt, and sad!
Monday, November 7, 2011
So the last week or so has honestly been two of the best weeks living in NYC! Gods timing is always so funny! When I first moved to the city I found, The Icarus Account twin brothers with an amazing talent! They write there own songs but also are know for some amazing covers! Look them up! There music has inspired me so much and has gotten me through all the struggles I have faced living here in NYC. Well in the summer, I liked there fan page and the next thing I noticed was that Ty Turner, The one with long hair, Added me to his personally page and we started talking. We started skyping, texting and talking on the phone! JUST AS FRIENDS. Okay.. so the point of this story is that this past week he was in NYC and we meet and hung out in person for the first time. He is one of the sweetest guys I have met and is friends with! We hung out a couple of times but he sadly left today... Surprisingly it was very hard to say goodbye to him.. But we plan on keeping in touch and staying friends! If you have not heard of them but I highly suggest you youtube them! I am addicted to there music. :) Moving on! I talked about her in my last blog very shortly but God has brought her into my life for reason.... A friend! Amy, My new roommate. I have been praying that I would meet someone that I would be able to call my best friend and open up to and talk to here in NYC, and God for sure answered my prayers! Every time I come home from work we both just talk and we already can read each other and know what the other is thinking without a word. The other roommates have kinda taken over the living room so me and her took over the bedroom! We put up the first christmas decoration. A little christmas tree! The vibe in the bedroom is such a different vibe then the one in the living room and its a good thing. I finally feel comfortable and at "home" in my bedroom.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
"Sitting in silence
Trying to fight this
Trying to make it last"
Trying to fight this
Trying to make it last"
-The Icarus Account
I am just getting ready for bed and decided that I needed to write in my blog and just update a little.. Work at tony's has been going great! Its getting to be the holidays so we are booked almost every weekend! Its fun to see so many people from different areas of the country! My managers are very appreciative of how hard I work and it feels good to know your hard work is paying out. I have been there for almost two months, I think, and have been given two raises. Some of the hostess that have been there for longer then me, are not very happy with me. But I just let it go cause obvious I work harder then them. But anyway.. I got a new roommate her name is Amy! And I absolutely adore her. She is one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet. We just hang in the bedroom alone and Listen to pandora and talk at night! I finally feel like I almost have a sister. We have a lot of common and we just bonded very fast! She is a year younger then me so I instantly feel like an older sister in her life! She has only been her for one week but we instantly clicked. Anyway.. I finally get to go home for a week on nov 19th and I am so excited. I have not been home since I moved to NYC so its past due! Its very stressful though because I will only be there for a week and I have a lot of people to visit and see. But its going to fun and I deff need it. Well Its time for bed, So goodnight! <3
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Most people already know, that my apartment is on wall street. But if you didn't know you know! This protest is something that I deal with on a Daily bases. The first week, it was very small and I didn't know what was going on. But the 2nd week came and I have not had peace since then. They have wall street blocked off so the side walks are they only when to get around and it normally is covered by tourist. So it's traffic almost 24-7. They are always so many cops all over wall street. I don't think I have ever felt so safe before. Then they have days and nights that wall street is "frozen" meaning you have to live on wall street or work on it to get on it. They decide this knowing what the protest have been up to and what they have planned. There was one night that I got off work late and was on the subway line 4, when I normally take the 2, and get to the front of wall street and the cops wouldn't let me in because I had no proof of residence or a NY idea...I finally convinced them to call my apartment and talk to them. The cop took down the phone number and called them on his phone and after about 5 minutes, I finally was able to walk through! That has happened more than once now!!! The park that they are "occupying" is about 5 minutes from my apartment so I don't deal with them on a daily bases but they affect a lot around me. One sunday, I decided to spend some time at the park and try to learn about what they are really protesting and just to be educated on what has been affecting my daily routine so much. It was pretty interesting. Of course, the day I choose to go was the day after the huge pepper spray incident, so more cops and they protesters were very aggressive that day. Its still pretty crazy to me to know that this is something I am right in the middle. This is something that I will never forget and will one day talk to my children about! I do believe this protest is making history.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
So its been a while since I have blogged and I am sorry. A lot of things have been going on, I just have been so busy that blogging isn't on my top list of things to get done. But after hearing so many people disappointed in me for not blogging, I am going to try to keep up with it! For this blog I am just going to post some interesting pictures I have taken lately then tomorrow I am going to post things on "occupy wall street."
The things I see....
I have started to really understand that the things I see on a Daily bases are not normally things. This for example. These were taken on wall street, this is the subway line 2. The one I take most often. I am not sure what happened but there were fire trucks all along wall street and cops everywhere...
Since I am staying in NYC longer then what my parents would of liked. I had to start supporting myself finically. So my talent manager got me a job at this beautiful Italian Restaurant called "Tonys." I love it! The people I work with all are all so sweet. I finally feel like I have some sort of family here. I actually look forward to going to work!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Most people know that last year I won a modeling competition in dallas through barbizon which gave me a scholarship to attend the Passport to Discovery Cruise and compete there. Well this year they invited me back on the cruise to be a staff member. Of course, I said yes! It was a free cruise.. who would say no? The Fun part was that they invited my mother to be staff too. So when moving to NYC we figured out that going on the cruise would be the first time I would see my mom since I left. Which brought joy to my mother! When packing for NYC, I had to pack things for the cruise because I would be flying from New York to Florida and then boarding the boat from there. The cruise was August 8th. My flight left at 7:30am. Getting to the airport that morning was one of the worst mornings ever! I was flying out of the JFK airport because you can take the subway and then an air train for $5 which compared to a $50 taxi is amazing! Flying by myself for the first time, I wanted to leave early and be very prepared so around 3:30 I headed to the subway. Having to lug all my stuff down the subway stairs was an disaster! Then finally making it done the stairs and into the hot subway. I see a sign that says the J train will not be running downtown at the station I was at from 12-5 am. What do I do now.. is the only thought running through my head. First of, subways only run every 30 minutes to an hour from 12-5 am. So I decided to go uptown and then transfer to the J train going downtown. I get off at the next stop.. and the same sign was there.. NO J TRAIN GOING DOWNTOWN. By now its 4:14... Im hot, sweaty, and very tired! It was going to 5 before another uptown train came so I just decided to wait at that station for the train coming downtown. At 5:10 I finally was on the subway heading to the airport! After such a stressful morning I was on my flight. I have not seen my mom since May 23 and I was about to see her as soon I landed. It was such a comfortable feeling seeing her and hugging her! To sub up the trip. I had a blast! I was a chaperon and I had 9 girls from 15-16 and they were the best girls I could ask for. They all got along and just were very respectful. I would say out of all the Staff, I had the best and easiest job. I got to do whatever my girls wanted to do. If that was swim, play golf, see any shows, or just hang out around the boat. But the best part was that when the girls were in meetings, competitions, or anything I had "my time." Me and my mother got to spend some good quality time together and catch up since it was so long since we saw each other. It was the exact same cruise so we went to Grand Cayman and Cozumel Mexico! Both places we just went shopping and then to the beach. It was so beautiful and full of excitement! The cruise definitely went by way too fast and then it came time for me and my mommy to go two different ways...It was so hard for me to say goodbye.. seeing my mom in tears just made my heart drop. This cruise was a great vacation and much needed! But seeing my mom was kinda like a tease...It made me miss my home, my family, and having a mom to care physically be there for me. I cant wait for PPD 2012 :)
Today is September 5th and my last blog was July 28. That is just not right! I have so much to say and just to catch everyone up on. I am first going to start off with the reason I didn't blog for a while because I some how lost my blog. When I logged in, it said I had no blogs and I could start a new one. I tried every help link I could find but then my patience went out and I just gave up. A couple of days ago, I chose to figure it out! So now I am back to Blogging. Im not sure how I am going to blog for the month that I missed so I am going to recap by photos and descriptions of the photos!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Im sitting in my apartment on this beautiful thursday morning and I finally realized that I missed blogging and that I have not done it in a while. Im not sure where to start, so this might jump from one thing to the next but I feel like I have a lot to say! The week of caleb's anniversary was the hardest week since I have been in NYC. On that sunday at church, I just broke down. It was a worship night and it just touched my heart. Its like I could feel caleb or something.. It was so comforting. I left church with so much Joy in my heart. I will say this past week has been one of the best weeks since I have been here. The joy has not left my heart, and I have been so happy! Last week, the only ones home were me, shannon, and megan. Lynsee and Amanda went home for a week! So the house was so much fun and no drama. We all got along and just put any drama behind us. On wednesday, I had a redken booking. They just styled my hair in up does then I took photos! These pictures will be used for examples of up does in hair saloons. That was a lot of fun! I got paid for it, but I also got tons of hair products: shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, curling stuff, and shining pray! When I finished with that, I got to meet up with some texas girls! Katherine, Jena, Allie, Hailey, Kiana, and jacey! We just walked around time square then got cute and went to dinner! It was good to have some familiar faces here. That saturday I worked a promotional job for express. Express wanted to break the world record for the longest cat walk! The record at like 534 set in Paris. We broke it by 1254 or something! It was a blast to know that I made that happen! The best part of all about this was we were scheduled to work 7:45-6. But we broke the record at 2 o'clock... and we ran out of shirts and all the give a ways so we completely stopped the show at 2:30! But since we rocked, we still got paid till 6! It was icing on the cake! When I got home from work, I rested for the rest of the day! It felt good to just lay around and be lazy! Sunday, was cleaning day! All the girls got together and picked up the apartment, did laundry, and cleaned! This place has never felt so clean since I moved in. After spending all day cleaning, I started to get ready for church! Since claire was still out of town I went to church by myself again. It was another great service! God is truly speaking to me. This service was about not giving up on your dreams and what you want because we do not know what God is doing behind the scenes! It spoke to me so clearly. So that was last week! I have been so happy!!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Caleb Sterling Koke
February 11,1992- July 14, 2009
God has you in His arms but I have you in my heart
Two years ago I was woken up by my sister and my mom with the news that Caleb had died in a tragic car accident early this morning. It took me a long time to actually believe it, but once it hit that it was true. I was in shock. I can remember everything in that moment very clearly. It honestly, stills feels like it was just yesterday. His death was the hardest thing that I have had to face in life. This was someone that I loved so much and he had so much going for him. Through out this my emotions have gone from 1-100. At first, I was full of anger because I didn't understand why God would take away someone that was so young and was not able to live his life fully, then it went to heart broken because I lost my best friend, But now I can honestly say, I am jealous! Caleb is in HEAVEN! A place our hearts long for, dream of, and one day I hope to go. Having to live here on this earth that is filled with judgment, without him, Is the bad part. I never imaged that day would come but I also never imaged sitting in NYC, in a model apartment, all alone, on his two years anniversary. This day is hard enough but to not have anyone to bring you comfort is even harder. I have never wanted a hug this bad.. All I have to cuddle is my T.Y that my grandpa bought me when I was very little. I do not think I have ever felt so alone in my life. But I am trying to stay positive because I know he is looking down on me with Joy in his heart for going after something I have dreamed about. "My God is a compassionate God who wants comfort, healing, peace, joy and life into broken hearts." Is something someone has taught me and what I pray for. I know with everything you are always going to have your bad days, good days, and excellent days but I need to remember that God never wants to see someone hurting because he will hurt with them. Its just that I want to be selfish and have Caleb on this earth with me......To caleb, There is nothing I could do, nothing I could say to make you see what you mean to me. All the pain and tears I have cried. I will never let you go. I know all my life you will be with me forever because you are watching over me everyday. That brings a sense of security to me, to know, your like my guardian angel. That brings me comfort sitting in my apartment tonight because I am not alone... Your with me and God is with me. I just wish I could physically see you. You give me the strength to carry on. Please promise me that your saving me a seat right next to you! I love you.
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Last night was not a good night! I fell asleep around 12... then at 3:00 I got a call from the front desk saying my roommates were sitting in the hall way locked out, So I woke up and let them in. Two hours later, my other roommate woke up to talk to me about some important things around 5! Which I am a stubborn sleeper and its very hard for me to fall back asleep if I am already up! Finally,I fell asleep! My alarm went off at 8:00 and it seriously felt like I just went to asleep! I had to get up, shower, and get ready for my photo shoot! Megan, my new roommate came with me! The shoot was in brooklyn so we had to give ourselves enough travel time! We ended up getting there 30 minutes early. Which was fine and made us look good but we just had to wait! The photographer was so cute and his wife was his assistant. They were so in love <3... The make up artist got there and started working on us! She showed us her book, I was so amazed! Her work was so beautiful, I felt so honored to have her to my make-up. We started out doing very clean beauty shots then built up to crazy make-up! This shoot had to be one of my favorites. It was just so much fun! Me and megan were just being so goofy on set! We headed back to the city and we went our separate ways. She went with her family and i'm back into the apartment! She is officially moving in tomorrow and I cant be anymore excited. When I came home, I showered and just relaxed! Now I am blogging and about to watch a movie! More good news: At first I didn't think that I was going to have plans for the 4th of july but my manger, I guess you could say, invited me to a VIP party and he said that I could bring Megan!!!!! So we get to get cute and meet so many people in the industry! Eat food, watch fireworks, and have fun! Today has been one of the best days in a while. I hope everyone has a good night :) XOXOXOXOX
Last week, While walking to a casting, I saw something being filmed but I continued on to my casting and didn't think twice about it. On my way back home, they were still filming so I decided to stop and look! They were filming the tv show "White Collar" I have no idea about the show but I was so interested in watching them film it that I decided to stay and watch. The security was so tight.. they only let us stand in certain areas to watch. They were telling people to move and not stand in certain areas, but me being the risky girl I am, I decided to stay. Then, this one sweet security guy saw what I did and he came over to me and asked why I did what I did, then he let me meet the main actor of the show, Matt Bomber, After socializing with him, they invited me behind the scenes of the filming! I got to actually sit in the chair and watch the TV screens as they were filming right beside my apartment! It was so awesome.