"So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on"
It is 10:30 on Monday night and Im in my apartment all alone. I know my last couple blogs have been pretty upbeat and happy but this one will show a different emotion. Don't start worrying about me, I will be fine and I will get through it. Yes I am in NYC, what could ever be better then this? Is something I know someone will be thinking about, but right now that's the reason for the emotions. It has finally hit me that I am away from everything that I love and brings me comfort, friends, family, and just Austin! I never imaged that I would spend a summer in NYC, It is a dream come true don't get me wrong but today I just wish I had someone to hold me, while crying. I know I have only been here for a week and I still have plenty of time to get to know people but I don't think I have ever felt so lonely in my life. Its hard for me to believe I spent memorial day alone, Where I know in Austin I would of been on the lake with all my friends!! Its a completely different lifestyle here that you cant even compare it. People rush everywhere and don't take time to appreciate all the small things in life. Its crazy to think about all the small moments in life that you could possible miss just because your rushing everywhere you go. Its all the small things in life that mean so much. Its all the small things I miss. I did have a good weekend on the beach but when I got back to my apartment, is when the emotions started coming. I cant thank Leslie West enough. She just sat on the phone listening to me cry and calmed me down! But at the same time, It made me cry little more because I miss her! Everyone is going to have there weak days because that's what makes you strong. I just had a really bad weak day! After I got off the phone with leslie I went on a run! Its the only thing that calms me down. I ran to the pier and it was so busy people everywhere! I just laid on the steps looking up to the sky and watching the boats speed by! It was so calming and relaxing. Thats when I told myself, I can do this, I just have to stay strong.
To caleb: There is nothing I could say or do to explain how much I miss you. I think of you every day. I brought your picture to NYC with me and put it in on my window and the other day my roommate asked " Is that your boyfriend?" I just started crying.. No one will ever understand how I felt about you. When I close my eyes I see you, No matter where I am. I know your always here and your always watching over me. But it keeps getting harder. I look up to you for strength because I know I will see you some day soon.
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
After writing for 30 minutes I feel better. I am not depressed I just wanted to write how i felt because it helps! I advise everyone to do it! I know tomorrow the sun will shine and I will have a beautiful day! Goodnight..
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